Film Review: Coraline

We've got our eyes on this fantasy world. And, by golly, we're keeping them.

Director: Henry Selick
Studio: Focus Features
Rating: Marry

Last night, we saw Coraline and were downright floored we didn't have nightmares. This tale, spun by Sandman's creator Neil Gaiman, centers around Coraline, a fearless girl who travels down the proverbial rabbit hole and discovers a similar, but alternate, world where everything is happier, brighter, and better. Except for the part where everyone has buttons for eyes and maybe, just maybe, things aren't exactly what they seem.

Rad: With the help of Henry Selick (the stop motion animation genius behind The Nightmare Before Christmas), Gaiman's children's tale is brought to life in eye-popping detail. We're all for perfectly-executed CGI, but, because it's the norm these days, electing to create Coraline's world (including the brilliant garden, the frightening mother, and the winged Scottie Dogs) by hand feels more impressive and inspired. If the 3D version is playing near you, don't even consider seeing it in 2D.

Sad: We have to wait until next year to see Selick and production company Laika's new film Here Be Monsters. Hmph.

Want: This box created by the same brilliant hands who built the creatures of Coraline.

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Well, Somebody Had to Represent Those Whores!

If you're like us (you know, easily amused) then these easily mispronounced domain names are worth a look. Penisland.net? Ok, that one is too easy. But what about Therapistfinder.com or Expertsexchange.com? Our personal fave is Powergenitalia.com that, when read too fast, reminds us of the cocky, clueless boys from our college days. At least these dudes are Italian. Read more...

7 Sinful Glasses to Toast With

Spending the holidays with the family is great and all, but eventually, you'll want to make a run for it. Usually we bolt when our mother starts criticizing our choice in men — in front of our boyfriend.

If you can't get away to call your therapist or take your sister's latest sports car out for a spin, then at least delight/horrify your family members with these peculiar wine glasses from Hamilton Design.

Inspired by the seven deadly sins, you can hand them out to whichever family members you think they best fit. Unless your family should be on Jerry Springer, in which case, keep Wrath (i.e. the one sharp enough to puncture an organ) in the box.

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Guy + Pet = Super Boyfriend?

Want a great lover? Look to their pet for clues on how giving he'll be in bed.

A guy's pet — be it cat, dog, or gerbil — says something about him (one of those says he's Richard Gere). Check out our handy chart to see if you're on a date with Dr. Doom or Mr. Fantastic.

The Cat

Cats have traditionally been connected most to women and shunned by men, but recently, men have started accepting feline friends into their life. So what does this mean for you? As long as he isn't the male version of the crazy cat lady, he's likely to be sweet (but moody), appreciate independence, and won't have a hard time getting your motor to purr in the bedroom.
See: The Spirit

The Dog
Man's best friend. Dogs are obedient, loyal, and cunning when it comes to getting what they want: food. The same goes for their owners who tend to be sport-watching, beer-pong playing, frat guy types. Ok, so we're generalizing a bit. Even so, dog lovers are reliably easy to get in the sack and have boundless energy. However...if you want to be pleasured, you've got to convince him there's something in it for him. Like Snausages!
See: Superman


The Monkey
Those who fall under the year of the Monkey are supposed to be intelligent, but be wary of guys who wears one on his shoulder. Though he'll get off on making you smile, he's also likely to be an attention whore who loses interest when he realizes your life doesn't revolve around him.
See: SpaceGhost

The Aquatic Variety
Fish are cute. And boring. We hope you like the missionary position, because that's all you're going to be getting.
See: Aquaman











No pets
Sometimes people just don't have time for pets. They work long hours, live in places that don't allow them, or they're just not "animal people." We respect their choices and all, but just don't expect them to rearrange their schedule to make time for you or have endless amounts of compassion. Unless they're allergic. Then offer them a Claritin.
See: Iron Man Read more...

Film Review: The Spirit

This wasn't the Ghost of Christmas Past we were expecting, but at least he brought egg nog.
by Emmy Burns

Director: Frank Miller
Studio: Lionsgate
Rating: Shag

If you’re looking for a good date movie this season, The Spirit delivers the ultimate win-win situation. Plenty of eye candy for both you and your boy toy, badass women to cheer for, and best of all, no cheesy love scenes starring Jennifer Aniston.

Frank Miller continues in his quest to bring respectable comics (this one based on the stories of Will Eisner) to the silver screen in the way only he could — cue wild costume changes, fabulous makeup and the uber-stylized backdrops courtesy of a green screen — and this adaptation also marks his solo directorial debut.

The story follows the Spirit/Denny Colt (Gabriel Macht), who, after being shot to death one night on duty, is reborn as a crime-fighting superhero (and heartthrob) who sports a Zorro-style mask and Converse kicks. Finally, we have a superhero who takes fashion cues from My Chemical Romance and gets more ass than a back of a taxi cab.

But the Spirit's major problem isn't a potential STD. It's that his childhood love, Sand Serif (Eva Mendes), has grown up to be a seductive, powerful, jewelery thief and shares a special connection with his nemesis the Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson).

Rad: A whole lineup of strong, powerful roles for women. Eva Mendes's perfect delivery of ballsy lines made us (nearly) forget the atrocious Ghost Rider. Scarlett Johansson as Silken Floss, the cunning, brilliant assistant to the Octopus and his imbecile henchmen clones. Note: send your boyfriend to fetch popcorn during her laboratory scene unless you want a puddle of drool by your feet.

Sad: Hokey lines and Macht's use of a strange, Batman-like monotone in narration sequences.

In Five Words: We want this holiday Spirit.

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The Cast of The Spirit Speaks!

The stars of The Spirit talk about stylish costuming, being broads, and getting a little too into your character.
by Emmy Burns

Recently, Bettie crashed the Waldorf-Astoria press conference for Frank Miller's new film The Spirit and cornered Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Sarah Paulson, Eva Mendes, and the movie's star, Gabriel Macht to get their answers on everything important. You know, like makeup!

Scarlett, have you ever had a boss as frustrating as The Octopus?
Scarlett Johansson: Well, I’ve never done anything other than be an actress. I’m afraid if I do answer that question I’ll be you know, blacklisted —

Samuel L. Jackson: That’s right, because they will go through your resume to see who you’re talking about!

Gabe, The Spirit has a bit of an identity crisis when it comes to figuring out what he is. How did you tap into that?
Gabriel Macht: He’s a young cop who’s killed in the line of duty and got brought back to life eight hours later. He wanders the streets to figure out who he is because he could do things that other cops can’t. He doesn’t know why he’s like that. I think the real essence of who he is, is this man who has innate goodness and wants to return that goodness to the city. So when he hears the city screaming, he wants to squash the evil that exists and bring humanity back.

Jackson: When you see the “making-of” DVD of this particular movie there’s a segment when they’re interviewing Gabriel in his trailer...his walls are papered with The Spirit. I mean, everywhere...not just photos of himself! The comics, Frank’s drawings...drawings he made of himself! His trailer was covered with Spirit paraphernalia! He was dealing with his identity crisis...all the time!

Frank Miller: And he slept with the mask on! It was really sad!

Goodness! Well, beyond the over-the-top method acting...we thought some of the costumes and makeup choices were really unusual.
Miller: I worked hard on Gabe’s costume because at first it looked really foolish until we spruced him up with the black outfit and everything.

Jackson: Scarlett and I shared a make-up trailer. I’d look at her like, man, there’s some beautiful eyeshadow colors going on...I should try some of that! So I got my makeup artist to start experimenting with eyeshadow. I would put it on and run to Frank and he’d go, I love it! So from that point on it was just a matter of me doing as much as I could to myself.

Eva Mendes: The fun part for me was definitely putting on the glamor. The core of this woman was pain of not having anything be stable in her life. A diamond is actually a "rock" and rocks symbolize stability. Once I found that foundation, it made me realize where she was coming from. So I could go as ridiculous as I wanted to be in hairstyle or action or wardrobe, as long as I was rooted in this need to fill that void. The film takes place in one of my favorite periods — when women were broads and weren’t afraid to speak their minds.

Sarah Paulson: The thing I liked about the part was there wasn't a single woman in this movie who was a damsel in distress. There wasn’t a single woman in this movie who wasn’t a strong woman. Read more...

Hot Guy of the Week: Gabriel Macht

Is this what they meant by Mach 10?

This week, Gabriel Macht will appear onscreen once again with the curvy Scarlett Johannson (their first meeting was in A Love Song for Bobby Long also known as the only film we've ever thrown up in the middle of) in Frank Miller's super-stylized comic adaptation of Will Eisner's The Spirit.

Though this 36-year-old Bronx native is a family man in real life — complete with wife and kids, as Denny Colt/The Spirit, he can't help but captivate every XX that struts by with his stunning physique. Even when he falters in Miller's spectacular world, there's hardly a woman who hasn't swooned just a bit.

Coming up: He'll be starring in the comic book adaptation Whiteout alongside Kate Beckinsale. And you know what happened last time Beckinsale starred in a comic film. Her and her costar got naked. Fingers crossed!

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Barbie Gets What Was Coming To Her

We're not big on women being eaten, dissected, or worse, but if the woman is Barbie, we'll make an exception. This blonde plastic surgery princess may have not made us doubt our figure since 39"/19"/39" is just freakish, but she did make us doubt our fashion sense and that's just unforgivable. And, we'd like to thank her boyfriend Ken for the awkward conversation that followed the first time we put our hand down a guy's pants.

So, in honor of Barbie's misdeeds, check out the work of Tom Forsythe, a photographer who became a champion for the right of free speech after Mattel sued him in regards to his "Food Chain Barbie" project. It's the one pictured above that exhibits her going buh-bye in all sorts of ways. Read more...

Effing Adorable.

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Hot Guy of the Week: Pete Wentz

We love men who love their wives, and even though we wish Pete Wentz would start loving us instead, he's still our hot guy this week. The Fall Out Boy toy has a unique romantic flair (how many grooms-to-be would throw an Alice in Wonderland themed wedding?) and a skinny-jean emo physique. But mostly we just want to jump him because he lays down sick bass tracks and runs a label (DecayDance) that's home to Gym Class Heroes, The Hush Sound, Cobra Starship, and Panic at the Disco. So, if we break up...options!
Other projects: Wentz owns the New York/Chicago/Barcelona bar Angels & Kings and Clandenstine Industries, is a producer for Bartskull Films, a TV host for FNMTV, acted in his friend's film Goodnight Moon (see video below), and cannot be killed with conventional weapons.

Recent quote starring his wife Ashlee Simpson: "We have an amazing sex life. We have such sexual chemistry. If we had been on this show last year, we'd probably be doing it in the green room right now." - From The Howard Stern Show

Catch him: On Fall Out Boy's latest album, Folie à Deux, released this week with cameos from Elvis Costello, Debbie Harry, and Lil Wayne!

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